What is Sex Therapy and How it Can Help you:
Have you lost physical connection with your partner? Has your partner become a roommate instead of a romantic partner? Do one or both of you lack physical desire for each other? Are you struggling with how to reconnect sexually and regain the intimacy you once shared?
When you and your partner stop having sex, it can feel like you’re both alone in the relationship. Maybe your desire for one another is mismatched—one of you wants sex more than the other, so you’re not on the same page. One of you might think, “All my partner wants from me is sex. They don’t really care about me and what I want,” while the other thinks, “I can’t ask for what I need because I know my partner won’t give it to me.” This failure to communicate effectively about how each of you is feeling can lead to resentment and hostility.
You may be good friends and have a decent day-to-day relationship, but you’ve lost the romance. As a result, one of you finds the lack of sex stressful and has a short fuse. During arguments, you might wonder what you are still doing together, but then you resolve to stay together for the kids. When the argument passes you may go back to being amicable again, but your physical connection doesn’t reappear.
One or both of you might be experiencing sexual dysfunction and feel ashamed. But rather than talk openly about it, it may become the elephant in the room which neither of you acknowledges. You might tell yourself that the lack of sex is an isolated problem and neither of you recognizes all the factors that contribute to it. Deep down, however, your avoidance of intimacy could be a symptom of other underlying issues in the relationship.
The good news is that sex therapy can bridge the gap that has formed between you and restore the deep connection you once shared.
Or Maybe You Want to Reclaim your Sexuality On Your Own.
Sex therapy isn’t just for couples. You may want to work with a sex therapist individually if you want to heal from your past, reclaim your sexual desire, explore your gender identity, a different relationship structure, or recover from performance related issues. Whether you are partnered or not, individual sex therapy can help you identify and work through issues in your life that are affecting your sexuality.
Sex therapy is holistic. We will explore factors like anxiety, depression, trauma, and your stress levels and how they impact your sexual functioning. Sex therapy is also nuanced. Your self-care, self-esteem, relationship experiences and quality, sense of personal agency and experience with sexual shame can all impact your sexual health. Sex therapy can help you get to the root of the problem.
Our Ideas About Sex Are Often Misguided And Inaccurate
According to an article published by the New York Times, approximately 15 percent of couples haven’t had sex in the last 6 months. Moreover, it is estimated that approximately 40 percent of women and 30 percent of men experience some type of sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction is often a psychological issue with a physical manifestation, but many people don’t realize its mind-body connection.
Growing up, most of us either received no sex education whatsoever or weren’t sufficiently taught about it. We live in a culture that is obsessed with sex but paradoxically sex-shaming and repressed. Because of the mixed messages we’ve received about sex throughout our lives, many of us are uncomfortable discussing the topic. In fact, It can be more intimate and vulnerable talking about sex with our partners than the act of sex itself. As a result, we often put off talking about it. When problems arise, we ignore the red flags for as long as we can, putting our sexual relationships in jeopardy.
Sexual dysfunction can also interfere with intimacy. It’s common for women to avoid sex when it's painful. They might not understand what the underlying physical problem is and are hesitant to tell their partner about it because they prioritize their partner's pleasure over their own.
When men experience performance-related dysfunction they tend to avoid sex and are also uncertain how to communicate their anxiety and feelings about it. If they have a female partner she may take the erectile dysfunction personally, which only increases her partner’s anxiety and dysfunction. This avoidance actually makes the dysfunction get worse.
While the idea of talking about sex with a stranger may make you uncomfortable, seeking sex counseling can greatly improve intimacy with your partner. With sex therapy, it’s possible to reawaken your sensual connection to each other.
Sex Therapy Provides The Tools You Need To Rediscover Intimacy
A lot of couples think that if they could just start having sex again all their problems would be solved, but it usually isn’t that simple. So many factors may underlie the sexual issues you’re experiencing. until we examine what’s going on with each of you, we can’t properly address them. Sex therapy counseling gives you a safe place to talk about sex without feeling ashamed. The goal is to help you understand the psychological issues that lie beneath the surface of sexual dysfunction.
Sexual dysfunction is caused by biopsychosocial factors. This term refers to the biological factors (for example, hormonal imbalance, illness, drug side effects, etc.), psychological factors (for example, unresolved trauma, conflicts in the relationship, etc.), and social factors (for example, miseducation about sexuality, etc.) that underlie the dysfunction. As therapists, we focus on which of these factors may be impacting your sex life. While the psychosocial factors will be addressed in therapy, we can refer you to a doctor to address the biological factors if and when appropriate.
In our initial session with you, we will ask what you’ve come in for and begin to learn more about your background. We will discuss your history of sexual relationships, your thoughts and expectations surrounding sex, and the issues that are showing up for you and your partner. There may be issues between the two of you that weren’t resolved and are still affecting you today, so we will uncover them. We will also explore your relational and attachment patterns to help you pinpoint what’s not working and make tweaks that will deepen your bond.
In ongoing sessions, you will receive re-education about human sexuality, learn techniques to reduce anxiety, and master strategies to repair your relationship issues. We will also broaden the definition of sex to include other sensual acts besides penetrative sex, putting the emphasis on mutual pleasure and connection. By opening up the lines of communication between both of you, we will help you create the sex life you both desire.
Sex therapy uses solution-based techniques such as mindfulness exercises and homework assignments like sensate focus—a non-sexual but pleasurable touch technique that helps increase intimacy with your partner. If you and your partner haven’t shared intimacy for an extended period of time, sensate focus is a gradual yet effective way to rebuild physical connection.
You may have resigned yourself to a sexless relationship, but even if you’ve been struggling to connect for a long time, there is hope. You can have more pleasure in your life—both inside and outside of the bedroom.
But you may still be wondering whether sex therapy is right for you…
Sex therapy sounds weird.
Sex therapy sounds weird because our culture is weird when it comes to sex. We’re supposed to be sexual, but we never talk about it. Sex therapy is just like talk therapy, except we will talk directly about sex instead of the other types of issues that usually bring you to therapy. Please be advised there will never be any sexual contact between you and your therapist.
I’m nervous and embarrassed talking directly about my sexual intimacy issues.
Your sex therapist understands this and will help you feel safe and comfortable discussing the challenges you and your partner face. By speaking with you and your partner directly but with compassion and understanding, we will meet you where you are, guiding you to a place where talking about sex feels comfortable and natural. Once you get over the initial embarrassment, you will feel empowered to try new ways of communicating about your sexual needs.
What if my partner doesn’t want to come to therapy?
When there’s sexual dysfunction in a relationship, it’s generally a good idea to come to counseling with your partner. That said, perhaps your partner isn’t willing to come to sex counseling for couples. If that’s the case, we can work with you on an individual basis, focusing on changing what’s within your power to change without the participation of your partner.
Do you work with LGBTQ+ folks?
Yes, we offer to affirm sex therapy to LGBTQ+ clients on concerns such as gender identity, coming out, exploration of sexual orientation, healing internalized homophobia and transphobia, improving sexual functioning, as well as supporting exploring kink, BDSM, and ethical nonmonogamy. We also help you explore the impact that societal expectations, family dynamics, parenting challenges, and employment discrimination can have on LGBTQ+ and queer folks. We understand the complexities of queer relationships and sexuality and offer a safe and nonjudgemental space.
It’s Possible To Rediscover A Joyful Physical Relationship
With sensitivity and encouragement, the therapists at Joanne Bagshaw & Associates can help you rekindle the private connection you once shared with your partner. To get started, schedule a free consult here. We are able to service clients in person in our Kentlands, Gaithersburg office, and virtually in Maryland, Florida, New York, Pennsylvania, West Virginia, Delaware, and Vermont.
Recent Posts
